Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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