grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
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