Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
