At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
