im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
