youre lurking in front of me
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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