One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize