Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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