From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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