Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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