My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize