I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
