My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
