I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
