she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
