you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
