So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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