I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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