THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
