1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
