OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
