What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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