everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
