You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
