theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
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