i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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