she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
