Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
