Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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