His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize