in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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