don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
