She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
