Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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