i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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