After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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