she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
