It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry about my life...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
