I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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