Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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