Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
