ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
