why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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