ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
