If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
