i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize