i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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