ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
