this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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