I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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