Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
