My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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