My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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