We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
