It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
