If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
