I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
