You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
