You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
