I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
