Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
