I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
