Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.

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(316): View more from Kansas

how do we leave politely?

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.

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(801): View more from Utah

don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.

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(425): View more from Washington

I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.

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(705): View more from Ontario

I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

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(703): View more from Virginia

There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.

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(323): View more from California

Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father

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