The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
