No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
