You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
