Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize