Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
