I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sext me about skeletons
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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