i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
whose parrot is this?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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