you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize