I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
