I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Randomize
