Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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